Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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