Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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