i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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