her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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