i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
