They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
