I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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