new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
