K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
