Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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