i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
