not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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