if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
