can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
