i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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