Princesses don't give blow jobs
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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