My liver just broke up with me...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
