btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
