dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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