I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We're using joints as your birthday candles
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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