We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I puked a lego.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
