I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
