i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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