I want to stick my p in your. b.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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