i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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