kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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