You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
