Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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