I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
