What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
