my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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