Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
