He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
