i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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