Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
