So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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