The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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