Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
