y did u give ur computer a hand job?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
