What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
just tell him i said nine months
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize