i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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