ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
