you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
