Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
