It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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