it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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