Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
my sisters under your porch take her home
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
