Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
