if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
