is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You need a sexual gate keeper
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
