oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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