Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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