just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize