apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
