Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
