I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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