Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize