it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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