My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
