i permit you to call me
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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