Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
