those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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