haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
