I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
