he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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