I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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