My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
