Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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