we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Please don't give away my fajitas
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