im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
