I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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