dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
